A lesson that’s been coming up in my house this past week is that of consequences. We all have consequences to all of our choices. Sometimes they are positive – sometimes not so much. It’s all about weighing out the cost vs benefit. If you stay up late to watch a show, you’ll be sleepy and probably cranky the next morning.
But sometimes things cloud our judgement.
One of the things I learned about when hubby was in active addiction, and has been helpful in every aspect of life since – is the concept of boundaries. When I initially heard the concept, I thought it would be the way I could control his drinking/drugging. However it’s been made clear in my own struggle with food and emotional eating, at the time, the benefit is worth it – no matter the cost.
We always have choices.
I hated that sometimes the choice was rock vs hard place, but it was still my choice to make. Regardless of the level of perceived difficulty, I always had the power. Looking back, had I been more in tune with my intuition, perhaps I could have avoided much of the pain. But today, I’m grateful for it all – it’s lead me here, to where I am right now. Even if I still have to face off with a loaf of bread every now and again.
It is scary to leave the comfort zone.
Being brought up to be submissive stunts the ability to communicate what you want or need, and stifles your intuition. It encourages us to take on too much, enabling those around us, and breeds a life full of anger and resentments.It is not easy to buck the system you were brought into – you probably aren’t going to win any fans as you take back your power of choice, listening to your inner guide, and speak up for your needs.
Ask yourself if the cost is worth the benefit.
If you’ve been nurtured to “save the argument” or to keep the peace, then boundaries might as well be a foreign language. It’s like a muscle though – and the more you exercise your power of choice, and decide for yourself what you will accept and what you will not in your life, home, relationship, etc – the stronger you become.
You aren’t going to do it perfectly (heck, there is no such thing as perfect). But there is courage in the action – and as you go stronger, you’re modeling for the generations to come, and healing the wounds of generations past.
Be imperfect. Be messy. Stay beautiful, and true to yourself.
Start small – and really think about the life you want to create for yourself. If it’s hassle-free mornings (which is mine!!) – then setting a boundary for no electronics past a certain time may be worth the week or so of discomfort as the family adjusts. (Easy, no – Simple – yes!)