Sometimes you just want to quit.
Sometimes that voice in your head that’s screaming at you all those horrid things that she can say – “You’re so stupid”. “Who are you to think you could ____?” “You didn’t really think that would work did you?” The snide laughter that cuts to your core. Those are exactly the reasons why you have to move forward.
It is NOT easy.
Historically, I’ve been a quitter. Things get hard, and I’m out. Take business adventures – I’ve tried being a make-up consultant, a multi-level marketing person for an eco-friendly company, a presenter of jewelry that was brand new to the area. When it got hard, and I wasn’t making my money back, I quit. I tend to “check out”. Emotionally and physically – I’ll play Cookie Jam – I’m on level 934!!!! (or Luxor on X-box was my vice a few years ago), check social media, color my little “Mandalas for Stress Relief”… Anything to not feel the hurt.
But Not This Time.
Is it going to suck? Probably – OK – Hell yeah it’s going to hurt! But I have to feel it to heal it. And I don’t have to be perfectly healed to provide value. I’m a work in progress. Just like you. Our stories aren’t over. And we can choose how the next chapter begins.
I have to spend some time in my past to make my future brighter.
And I need to be willing to share it.
Today I’m at a place where I’m ready to pull up my big girl panties, and realize where I’ve been. So, here’s a start – a glimpse at the life of A Beautiful Mess. A snapshot of erin.
No one signed up for the 6 week program I announced.
So, I absolutely do realize the irony of no one hopping on board for a 6 week program called “ENOUGH” – based on helping women uncover their self-esteem and feminine power -when that’s EXACTLY what I’m struggling with!!! We teach what we need to learn.
My first thoughts were that I wasn’t good enough – that there is something inherently wrong with ME that no one is in my group. But I’ve learned – thru lots of development and awareness work – to call Bullshit. I am enough. And this is somewhat of a test.
Remember how I said before that historically, I quit? Well, this time I’m not. I’m going to change that pattern. I’m going to put myself out there, raw, and broken, and yet strong in a way that I’ve never really shown. Like a warrior! Roar!!
So, I’ll share some of my survival stories with you. So you can know me. And I can get to know myself again. Because that’s what I find we struggle with the most as women- determining WHO we are – wading thru the hats and roles, the “should”s and the “shouldn’t”s and the “if only”s.
Next time, in Part 2 – I’ll be sharing about marriage, kids, and how co-parenting is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
If you found value in this post, please share it! Spread the word that we are enough!
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